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Future​-​Tense.

by Bernard LeVautour

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1.
You think you’re special cuz you come here all the time, well that’s shit! I don’t care that you knew the former owner or you the cocktail waitresses tits (we all have). And no I won’t set you up with her for the night. Same goes for that slutty bitch to your right. Why are you laughing at me? I only asked what you wanted to drink. I’m not paid to be your clown. So take your shot and settle down, or I’ll make you sit down. So very sorry that you think your martini’s too strong. Could it possibly be that you might be ordering wrong? Sure id absolutely love to make you something fun. Where you can’t taste the booze and it’s not too sweet, but it’s sure to get the job done. Tell me one more time how you work at the snooty bar down the street. Watch my every move and offer your pretentious critiques. I dare you to use the word mixology again. Run your snobby mouth then order a Long Island (hipster trash). Then of course you’re gonna complain about the price. At such and such a dive it’d be half of that, then write a bad review when you get home drunk tonight.
2.
Fragile, tender. There seems, a certain vein, criteria, vernacular. I’m so sorry. He ripped my heart out, mother, see. Blazing white, both prism and hue. Unfortunate for me. Him too. You see the sea it speaks to me, and I must go, and I must see. And oh, my god, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. You see there’s some things that shouldn’t be saved, you’ve gotta take those what ifs and hide them away.
3.
Bad Business 05:34
You want a tirade on why I just can’t give my all? You got it. Let me tell you a bit about about the bad business decisions that are oozing like poisoned puss from these walls. The building is hemorrhaging potential and we’re falling as collateral damage as we watch cash money seeping from the ceiling, yeah. Gotta take care of a dilapidated body, asking me to play the surgeon but refusing me the tools. I won’t let you leave me liable as you let this building die on my watch. The body’s sitting on the table, this job requires a bone-saw. And you hand me a fork, say good luck! This is how we’ve always done it, and I can diagnose the problem right now. But you’re more concerned with his blood tarnishing the fork, as the patient cries for morphine in pain awaiting a transplant. The cracks in the grout and tile are are filled with blood, the drains in the sink are spouting puss, the windows are yellowed from cirrhosis of the business-model.
4.
Very Badly 06:27
I’ll be the first one to admit I’ve been emotionally stagnant, a stalwart guarding the gates to my passions steadfastly. Ive been at a loss of things that I felt worth caring much about, but I feel the need to finally find a way to let some of this long pent up excitement to free. I want very badly, to want something very badly, and I think I very badly want that something to be you. So come on babe give me a clue. Does that sound like an absolutely terrible thing to do? You asked me once abruptly if I was in love you you. When I turned it around you slyly smirked and said “that wasn’t the question.” I think I know my answer if you know yours. For someone that claims to have been having a rough go of it lately, you look amazing. I think we could be something if we let ourselves and I think you know that too baby, but do we, I mean really? It’s simple till we try to figure out, until then I’m throwing darts into a cloud.
5.
I was way too honest from the outset, terrified of repeating past mistakes. I was way too honest from the outset, I think that might be part of what scared you away. The last thing I wanted was for you to be just another pretty finch in my menagerie, just another bird caged and confined only by these feelings we’re not allowed to express. Ironically it’s these feelings that forced you to fly into that cage. I’ve become a reluctant collector of complicated friendships, it’s a cycle I don’t quite know how to break. Adding another exhibit wasn’t exactly part of the plan. We both know how this will end. Both know, both know. You said that you could picture yourself in the future, living alone in a houseful of cats. The irony is I know that you’re allergic to cats, so as bad lines go I could totally see through that. You were totally putting up walls, preparing to run. Like when you told me while we were making out that blue eyes really freak you out, something that someone attracted to me would never say. When I was your age dating girls your age, all the girls your age were chomping at the bit to settle down. Now the girls your age when I date girls your age are terrified of any guy who wants more than just to screw around. I’m sorry I wanted more than just to screw around.
6.
This seems so inevitable. And inevitably stupid. It seems so inevitable, yeah, inevitably stupid. Why can’t I can’t I just see my way through this? And it might snow. On the weird side of town just to let us know. We shouldn’t be fooling around like this, but oh, baby, I can’t say no, so I stumble you home in the snow cuz we both know. I used to be tired of train wrecks. Now I’m tired of the clinking tracks of roller-coasters, knowing that every trip up is spent bracing for the fall. Wonderful things have got me thinking, to find wonderful things you’ve got to change the way you think. I will not be your past tense dignitary, I will not merely be the last fool to survive. I feel that ice blue indigestion, creeping up my spine. And I know it’s real, and I feel it’s mine. And I know I’m fine.
7.
Tombstone 06:38
8.
Floodgates 07:00

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released January 31, 2021

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Bernard LeVautour Memphis, Tennessee

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